Assembly Impossible!

So I’m back! No, don’t worry! It’s not to complain, but to reflect on the past year, the present and the future. Yes, inadvertently I’ll probably find something to complain about while I’m typing this and I’ll digress, so let’s see how things progress.

It’s been a long but rewarding year and significant progress has been made since the family made the great trek to our new home. I’m going to be honest and say that sometimes, I really wanted to throw in the towel when things got tough and I’m sure she-bear would have felt the same.

To be fair, we are all human (last time I checked) and at the end of the day and our natural instinct is to walk the path of least resistance. It would have been so easy to walk away from it all but the Groenewalds were not prepared to fail after everything the family had been through. We did what we had to do, to push through the emotions, the distance and the uncertainty of our place in this new world. I know it sounds dramatic but it’s a complete lifestyle change. Particularly because you rely on public transport, which I must admit is brilliant 99% of the time and of course your legs, which albeit are not as reliable, still work when they have to. The exercise doesn’t hurt my legs (now). It did for a while because my previous mode of transport was primarily a car and I was a sloth. Now I walk 6 miles a day or 10000 steps on average (thanks to technology and my phone for informing me of this on a daily basis). So it’s really not a bad thing, I’m fitter than a ferret (I tend to exaggerate) and I feel better for it. (Still not complaining)

There are other obvious frustrations like rebuilding your social and financial identity but those problems are overcome with time, the serenity prayer and a lot of patience. In other words, in those situations you as a human being are expected to use your wisdom and rational logic to understand the difference between the things you cannot change and what can be altered through intervention. In hindsight, that is not an easy task no matter how much patience you have. In my opinion, patience is not a virtue that I can endure for more than a year unless I have no choice. Let’s be honest here, it’s the year 2016 and people can spy on a pinhead from space. Surely it’s not hard to review financial discipline in another country to gauge a persons financial risk profile? Anyway, I’m digressing about something that I have no ability to change “Selavi”. Needless to say, it’s been a year, things are coming around and the she-bear will soon be spending my invisible money. -_-

Right, now I feel the need to complain about something just because I can. It’s completely unrelated to the content above but I don’t really care. The world needs to know. MKAY!

‘Twas the night before Christmas and our son was gifted with a “toy” that we all believed would be the most legendary gift ever because it was awesome! Because it was Star Wars and surely anything labelled “Star Wars” just had to be mind-blowing. Well I’ve got news for you and anyone else out there who cares about not wasting the valuable time they have on this earth. Two words, metal models. Heed my advice people and use the wisdom of the serenity prayer to avoid the crap out of these unique and cool looking models because it’s a trap.

This tortuous enigma I deem “R2PAIN2” is a classic example of the idiom “looks can be deceiving”.

While the model looks awesome, it’s horrendously impossible to put together and requires the patience of a thousand saints. Allow me to provide you with the truth of the matter behind the description offered on the Amazon website.

  • The assembled 3D model is perfect for desk decoration or collection (Perhaps…if you have not gone insane after 6 hours of attempting to assemble the product, it doesn’t look like you’ve beaten it flat with a mallet, you are not a raging ogre with an IQ of 30 at this stage and you have exceptionally petite hands that not even the smallest woman in the world could compete with)
  • Easy to assemble, no external tool is required (This is a complete and utter lie. You require an armada of little people with tiny robot assembly hands, a needle nose pliers and a lot of plasters for your fingers lest you bleed to death in a pool of your own pity and shame)
  • Perfect educational puzzle games for DIY activity (The perfect educational puzzle to test your sanity, DIY inadequacy and the added bonus of a black hole that forms a time dilation where days are lost as you attempt “Assembly Impossible” starring Tom Cruise)
  • Brings a lot of fun to your daily life (Shut-up you imbecile. Do I really need to justify the tears, pain, blood loss and frustration. I would rather watch paint dry)
  • Made in China , Size: 4.5cm x 3.5cm x 7cm (converse : 1 inch = 2.54cm or 1cm = 0.393 inch) (Three things, it’s made in China, every piece is flat and the parts are so small that you’d probably lose half of the model while it’s still in the box. You could buy it after it was completed by some mental patient. But that’s a myth and would only be found on the dark web for an obscene amount of money, if it was ever true. Your only option right now is to print the picture below, paste it on a toilet roll, place it on your desk and walk away)

There you have it. You’ve been warned.

Happy new year people! XOXO gossip girl and some shit.

R2PAIN2

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