Guardians Of The #Blog Galaxy

Dear Comment Spam Pirates:

W.T.F do you think you are doing trying to post comments on my blog so that you can try to promote your sites. How dare you! I’ve worked for many hours on this site, pouring my ranting heart out on to my keyboard. This is my digital space, my written thoughts and you don’t get to destroy that with your incompetence and crappy products.

How do you magically think you are going to get through my approval process? That’s right you butt monkey, I make sure to thoroughly check all comments before they are released. The only time I won’t let a comment through is when I see your delicious attempt at forming a legible sentence followed by a URL linking to your weird ass site. Believe me, no one can miss that Engrish unless they are a complete buffoon. Your socially inadequate attempt at trying to convey some form of language, which closely resembles that of a flatulent cow chewing cud, is not going to succeed. Stop being an irritating turd and try investing in social marketing. Perhaps learn some English and be prepared to pay for advertising space like a decent human being. You are the filth of the blog world, annoying, disgusting, lower than maggots and have no place in this Galaxy that is the interweb.

Follow these recommendations to focus your inspiration, improve your wealth and grow your digital media presence:

  • Stand in a bucket, fill it with concrete. Wait 24 hours. Phone your local mob boss and tell him the shops in the area are now under your protection. I’m sure they’ll pop around, take some photos and share them on twitter
  • Charge an oncoming car on the highway. This will get you media attention and possibly a funeral as a bonus
  • Place C4 under your chair, attach the charge to the C4 and put the detonator on your dog’s collar. Play fetch with him. Team building always brings out creativity
  • Take a 6 cylinder revolver place 5 bullets in the cylinder, spin the wheel and take a shot. If you are still alive after your 6th attempt, keep trying. The point of this exercise is to “open” your mind to alternative creative thought processes
  • Send a letter to the Yakuza. Tell them that you still have 10 fingers even though you have dishonored them 11 times. I’m sure they will be more than willing to send someone to chat about the pitfalls of losing those digits on your investments and how to maximize your financial returns

Dear Bloggers Of The Galaxy:

This is an infestation of the blogger world combined with attempts to sell cheap corrupted knockoffs. These roaches will take a gap wherever they can find it and they will continue to take opportunity to steal comment spaces to promote utter rubbish if you allow it. Sadly, there are a few individuals out there, that are still unaware of the implications of failing to lock down blog comments. But have no fear, there is help and plenty of advice on the internet to make this problem go away. Not completely, but at least to make it more manageable. The most important thing you can do is enable the comment moderation and unfortunately what’s surprising is the fact that comment moderation on most blog templates is an optional choice, when it should logically be mandatory. Yes, this is a carpet bomb approach but it’s a necessary evil and it does mean that every comment you get has to be moderated at least once. Thereafter, people that are approved can post additional comments without further need for moderation. So always be careful about who you approve and who you don’t. It’s a lot harder to block an approved spammer than it is to moderate them.

Here’s a site with some hints and tips on how to protect yourself as a blogger.


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