Rubbernecking Lemmings

I really didn’t want to rant today. It’s Friday and I wanted to relax but sadly I just couldn’t help myself. People inspire me to be mad, angry and creative. Let’s face it, humans are the annoying little roaches of the universe which is why I’m sure sentient beings have avoided us like the plague. The last thing they need is humans invading their space #playonwords. That being said, our trait for survival and curiosity may also be one of the greatest things about humanity.

Now to get back on track. As you know I’m sensitive about the matters of traffic. Meaning I hate it. Yes, it’s inevitable until someone invents teleportation for school kids. I get that this is reality, I cannot substitute it with my own and I just have to deal with it. But my gears really start to grind when people deliberately make congestion on the road that leads to traffic. Now when I mean deliberately, I mean in situations where people rubberneck.

Why I ask you, in peak traffic, does the entire population of earth, need to drive past a poor old granny sitting on the side of the road, at speeds that would put a Sloth to shame. What are you doing #WTF? Is there someone sitting in the passenger side of your car attempting to draw a police sketch of the scene while you drive past. Is this a parallel universe where the movie “Speed” has a different script about some maniac who has hijacked your car’s electrical system and threatened to blow you up if you drive by too quickly. Is “captain slow” from Top Gear actually winning races? Are you a #!%$@! giraffe who just can’t help yourself because you saw a wild apricot tree on the side of the road and just had to stop so you could take a bite. I sincerely doubt it and I suspect that it’s unlikely that you are in fact a newscaster of a CNN news crew, who has bravely taken on the responsibility of reporting a natural disaster and was forced to block the road. Seriously, the only problem here is that the woman ran out of petrol.

NOW MOVE YOUR CAR ALONG you butt monkey…

Right, next up is people driving while it’s raining, in traffic. Let’s call this phenomenon “rain traffic” to keep it short. Now I am a patient guy and I know patience is a virtue which is great and all, but everyone has their limits. The last thing I need on my way to work is the most glorious combo of rain and traffic. You could theorize that a race that has the intellectual capacity to develop technology that has taken us to the moon. Has the capacity to function when a bit of water falls from the sky. But no, this is reality and people turn in to Lemmings #truestory. Don’t confuse Lemmings with Lemmingtons either, because there is no way driving in the “rain traffic” is a pleasant tasting experience. Suddenly all rules of the road vanish, lanes no longer exist, blind spots truly become blind and people lose their minds. It’s madness which eventually leads to people jumping out of cars performing kicking motions and making statements about existing in the same time and place as Sparta.

The moral of this story is to drive carefully and courteously. Be aware of your environment and the other people around you. You are not the only person on the road with a purpose. There is an entire herd of lemmings out there battling their own sanity and the harsh environment that is planet Earth, as they make their way to work.


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