Something Happened? Blame The #Supermoon

As you should know humans tend to blow things out of proportion most of the time. Hell the reality is that everyone blows things out of proportion sometimes because it’s funny and we can’t help ourselves. Absurdly enough, the Supermoon has always been riddled with misconceptions lambasted by the human race that brought the “tidings” of madness, flooding and the destruction of humanity.

I think we can rest assured that the flooding and destruction of the earth has already happened once and it’s unlikely to happen again any time soon. What I can’t promise you is that it doesn’t bring madness because I think deep down inside everyone is a few pieces short of the puzzle. That little bit of madness is what keeps us level-headed and human at the end of the day, which is not inconceivable, considering what we cooked up about this topic prior to the evolution of mankind’s logic. On that note, if you are having a bout of madness and are unable to make sense of reality at the time of reading this then please check yourself in to the appropriate clinic and let the rest of us rational human lemmings get on with our lives.

Anyway, back to reality. Here are some interesting perigrees:

  • The Supermoon happens when the moon is at perigee. No, this is has nothing to do with your pets pedigree or how it beautiful it looks. The perigee is the point in its orbit that brings it closest to Earth and in its fullest phase
  • Studies have shown that a full moon of any kind does not affect human behaviors. That’s just you being a superstitious turd
  • On average, the moon is about 30 Earth diameters away from the planet. What’s that mean? Figure it out…I’m not your maths teacher. What I will tell you is that the moon is very far away
  • My woman claims that it affects the water in your body and disturbs your sleep cycle. I called bullsh!t and fell asleep 2 minutes later after our discussion. Myth busted
  • Some people believe that when they look into a bowl of water under full moon’s light they would see their future husband. Yes um…well OK…That’s not a sign of madness at all
  • The next fact was so boring that I couldn’t repeat it. Instead I would like to hypothesize about the moon being made of cheese like your mom told you. Spoiler alert….It may be related to the cow that jumped over the moon. I’ve yet to prove it though
  • A Supermoon might be able to change the tides slightly, by an inch if you are lucky. See guys, nothing to be concerned about here. Do something constructive like worry about global warming instead
  • The Supermoon will get smaller in the distant future because the moon is slowly propelling itself out of Earth’s orbit, moving 3.8 centimeters farther from Earth each year. Don’t stress, you could live for 80 years and the earth would move 10 rulers in length. Not a lengthy process at all

So let’s all thank Richard Nolle for the term “Supermoon” otherwise you would have had to say “look ma it’s a perigee” which could have possibly been misinterpreted as “look mom it’s a pair a geese” or “look mom it’s a parakeet” depending on whether you were between 4-9 years old and couldn’t pronounce the word to save your life. Honestly I wouldn’t blame you. All I’m saying, is that Supermoon is a much better term, so thank Dick for saving your life and making it easier to pronounce.

There you go people, I hope you’ve found piece of mind and can now rest easy because I promise you it does not affect your ability to sleep, cause dramatic shifts in the weather or drive people mad. It’s just an interesting natural phenomenon that happens once in a blue moon -_- yes I went there.

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One thought on “Something Happened? Blame The #Supermoon

  1. Love it, you made the old man chuckle….one question, when you went to sleep two minutes later was it in J’s room ?

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