Why Life As A #Cat Would Be Awesome…Maybe:

Personally if I believed in reincarnation and it was a reality then I would come back as a cat. I mean seriously who wouldn’t want to. Life as you know it would be awesome every day of the week and it’s really completely logical if you think about it. Yes, clearly I’m a “Canatic” which is a word I just made up for a cat fanatic. It’s obvious that I love them and I’m sure all the sane people of this world would tend to agree. Heck, I’ll even try to give you my perspective on both the good and bad sides of what it’s like to be a cat in order to be fair and unbiased about my choice.

Here’s why I want to be one:

  • Hating on Mondays without the fear of dealing with the day. That’s right, you can wake up to hate it,  go back to sleep and that’s as far as it ever needs to go
  • As a cat, you automatically qualify for 23 hours of sleep a day. You only need a hour to do the following: Greet the humans when they arrive home, play with a toy, eat your food, enjoy a relaxing poop in the garden of solitude and then go back to your nap. What a life…
  • Manipulating humans into feeding you and bending them to your will is as easy as a purring and rubbing your face against those stumps that they call legs. All secretly in an effort to trip them just because you can
  • Cats have built-in night vision and are as stealthy as ninjas. Stalking your human is fun. What more can there be to life
  • You sleep on your humans face at night as it’s the supposedly the only comfortable place to take a nap. The bonus is the warm soothing breath emanating from its face as long as the human hasn’t consumed garlic that evening
  • Cat’s have 9 lives to get things right and 9 lives of bliss is enough to justify this entire post
  • You are easily entertained . Objects that move quickly under blankets amuse you even though you know it’s your stupid human. It’s still fun and you can’t help yourself
  • It’s easy to be a lean mean fighting machine and never having to worry about your weight when you live on pellets all day and if you feel like tuna then just pretend to be depressed and meow a lot
  • You always land on your feet and you don’t need regular visits to YOGA classes. You are naturally nimble. Curling around an object to keep your tummy warm is second nature
  • When it rains, you LOL at your human as they head out work then go back to sleep without a care in the world

Here’s why I wouldn’t want to be one…

  • The art of procreation sucks because it hurts like hell and is unpleasant. You think they make those awkward noises because it’s fun. The males sexual organ is barbed. Urgh…and ouch
  • You have to constantly groom yourself because you are a cat and have standards. You can’t stink like crap when you need to use your feline skills on a daily basis to manipulate your human. Maintenance is a bitch
  • Hairballs are not your best friend and unfortunately are a part of your life. It’s humiliating to cough them up in front of your human. It ruins your reputation, it draws attention to yourself and it’s irritating on the throat
  • Dogs have a natural hatred for you, they are stupid and stink. Getting Dog blocked because you want to wander around the neighbour’s yard is not cool when you are a natural explorer
  • You have to endure humans talking to you with squeaky voices and demanding attention when it’s not an appropriate use of your time. You have better things to do like drag presents in to the house to share with them
  • Your closest relatives are sloths and you’d rather not brag about it to anyone in the animal kingdom. This is possibly not true but it’s a working theory of mine
  • Your human expects you to be constantly ready to play when all you want to do is sleep in the sunshine on the window sill
  • You do not like lasagna but your human still feeds it to you because he thinks Garfield is cool and therefore you should be able to relate by proxy
  • If you’re a female cat then your periods really suck even more so than a human female. Humans females think men are dogs. Wait till you meet a male cat. It’s the worst of both worlds while you are on heat
  • I’m sure cats risk passing out and setting things alight every time they need to pee and I doubt they love the smell of ammonia. Especially with a sense of smell that’s 4 times stronger than a human. It’s a curse

I guess what it all comes down to at the end of the day, is a matter of opinion. But overall, I believe that the positives far outweigh the negatives. Especially if you are a male cat. Unfortunately, just like in the human world, it’s a lot more challenging in some ways to be a female. But irrespective of the gender issues. Who wouldn’t want to sleep in on a rainy day, have the freedom to do as you please or easily maintain the physique of a well looked after cat. Clearly it’s better than being a dog…

What would you want to be reincarnated as?

funnycat

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