AH…the classic tale of a proud father and his son. The love / hate relationship between males. The dance of dominance and the emotional spin cycle of a washing machine. There are days where we frequently share witty banter which equates to “no” or “I’ll smash this car” or “I’ll jump on you” and there are days where I hear the words “I love you dad”. The list goes on but it becomes far too intellectual for this rave.
The truth is, I love my son, more than I value my own life. I would die for him without a second thought and that is probably the most honest thing I could ever say in this life. He is my proudest moment, my greatest achievement and my legacy that I will leave behind. Nothing in this life will ever bring me the joy that he does when I see him smile. That’s how much I love this little man.
However, there is a flip side to this. If there was one person on this entire planet and possibly the whole galaxy who could push my buttons, it’s this guy. He has the ability to be evil incarnate. A human machine that slowly breaks down the mental walls that the adult personality has erected over the years to protect itself from society and human nature. Just Like that narcissistic little turd that won’t leave your ass alone. It clings on for dear life as you attempt to sway side to side in order to free yourself of said lurker and when you do, the satisfaction is short lived as you experience the fallout…the depth charge. Yes, I just referred to my child as a little sh*t. My son the emotional vampire.
If this is my son unintentionally paying it forward as a kickback for my part in doing the same thing to my father then I’m happy to accept it. It’s my right of passage, a price to pay to be a good father and I’m happy to step up. Am I still failing to be the best dad I can be, even though I’m armed with all of this insight? No, I’m not, this is perfectly natural and normal. It’s the “instinctual challenge” between two males within the troop. My son is developing a personality, beating his chest, testing the limits of my sanity and for that I couldn’t be prouder. My son is growing up slowly, but surely, to be a man.
Hopefully, I can be as great as my father and better, as I raise my son.