Sometimes I wonder if my opinion and perspective of a true friend differs from the rest of the world. I mean, I’m not fussy…well, if I’m honest, then I am to a degree. But I do believe there are a few basic guidelines from the “Thewayitsnot” Mantra that I follow to establish how healthy my friendships really are.
People usually form a bond around humor, it means they get each other and their personalities gel. It’s not absolutely critical to the survival of a friendship but it adds a valuable dynamic that keeps things fresh. You may occasionally question your own sanity when you giggle at something that’s outside the norm and cringe at the idea of what others may think. But with wisdom and age you realize that everyone probably thinks the same thing. You are not a mad cackling witch hiding in your tower, hording your own thoughts. I guarantee that someone else in this world will join your cackle and laugh at the same things you do. Laughter is inevitably contagious. Human insecurity, go figure…
This means that the person is there for you through all the crap in your life. The past, present and future. They support you in their own way and they don’t back down. A true friend accepts you for who you are, what you’ve done and what you will do because it’s you, even though it may upset them from time to time. Like any relationship you form, you go in with open cards on the table and say “this is me, accept it or don’t”. That’s your prerogative, but don’t make it an issue later in life. Don’t start your friendship on a lie or try to be something you are not. It never ends well and you will never value the bonds that you form.
The days of besties were for the teenage years. When people ran around like immature gorillas beating their chest to establish dominance within a group. Seeking to maintain and establish a hierarchy of best friends and taking sides. If that’s still a priority for you then you may be trapped in the 8th grade. Sucks to be you. #Groundhogday…You are an adult now and have better things to do with your time. Each true friendship you form should have the same value to you. The moment you can differentiate on that value means those specific relationships are more than likely not friendships, just individuals you associate with because it’s convenient. Don’t be shocked, this is normal because its human nature. It’s hard to admit this and I know from personal experience. But I promise you that it brings clarity on where your priorities should lie, once you can.
Lastly, true friends never make you choose. It’s immature to emotionally blackmail a friend in to a compromise because it suits them. NO!
Just remember that no matter how isolated you may think you are, there is always someone out there that’s a fit and wants to be friends with you. You just have to open yourself up to the opportunity. If you are in a friendship that you wish to cherish, then nurture it and pay it the respect it deserves. As with any mutual bond, it’s a two-way street. At the end of the day, it’s up to you to find value in your relationships and determine if it makes you happy. Maybe this can also apply to people who are in loving committed relationships, because I can promise you that it’s important in my mine.